By Agozie Jiga | Submitted On January10,2015

Do you want him to ask you the big question? The big question as in, marriage? Learn what I did to help a person get married!

Relationships are one of those strange things that have a lot to do with your point of view. You can get two people to look at a relationship problem, and you can get two very different approaches to getting towards a solution. In fact, it is quite amazing how men and women can even get together when we let our circumstances and moods influence the way we see the world so much.

This was particularly true with when I was talking with someone I helped. She and her man were together for almost six years, and it was interesting to hear of her experiences in their growing relationship. One of the points of particular interest to me were her repeated complaints about getting married and particularly about the way her boyfriend's behavior has changed. The good news is she wanted to fix it and they are both ready to communicate.

So many people see getting married as something that will set them in stone and, once they get in it, they assume that's all to life and they can't go back to all their bad habits when they were single. After all, that's what we are conditioned to learn through fairy tales as a kid right?

Let's get realistic here. Even prince charming can be a controlling and dominant husband to her princess due to repressed feelings from past relationships. And princess perfect can suffer from a diminished sex drive due to her low self-esteem or depression. Men can have commitment issues too!

Here's how I helped my friend out of the situation. After more conversation, it turned out that the insecurities that her boyfriend had from his dysfunctional childhood had led him to have a very negative self-image, and he let his insecurities cloud his judgement of getting married and being a husband and father. Later we learned the reason why he didn't want to get married. He was scared that she would get sick of him and end their marriage if he wasn't good enough. He didn't want to end up in divorce like his parents had because it reminded him of the endless pain in his childhood, and how he his free time examining every word of his parent's arguments for hidden meanings, perhaps indications that he, too, was going to end up the way his father did.

I was amazed. I was crying. My friend really loves her boyfriend. But he's focusing on too many of the negative things that might happen in the relationship. He was failing to focus on the many great things that were currently happening together. He had a home, support from friends, good health, and the love and support of a great girlfriend. It might not be the type of love he would always want, and at times he might not understand it, but when I got a chance to talk to her boyfriend, I told him simply to have faith.
If you are thinking, 'oh god'. That's right. Have faith.

We can all have faith in the fact that there is a purpose in life and there will always be a man for every woman. If you are facing difficulty, have faith that you will climb out of it safely. And have faith that you will find a man who loves you even if he doesn't speak the love language that you want him to speak.

The glass is not half empty. It is half-full. It is often too easy to focus on what needs doing in your relationship rather than looking at all the good that you already have. So it's all about attitude.