Any Relationship Should Be Based on Trust
By Agozie Jiga.
Think carefully before committing to a relationship and weigh the
pros and cons. This applies not only to lifelong relationships such as a
marriage but also to shorter relationships. Even if a couple considers
having a one night stand, trust has to be created first.
Persons contemplating marriage should question everything before committing and think carefully. Is there enough trust for spending a whole life together? Will I feel safe every day in this marriage? Will there be comfort and mutual understanding?
As a couple, think about your plans together and then rethink it again. Try rethinking it, alone or with a trusted friend, not with your future partner. Do not hesitate to ask relatives, friends and psychological advisors for their advice. It is not only money which is at stake. It is a full life.
Every long-term relationship will go through phases of trouble and conflict and feelings will be hurt. That is for sure.
Can I imagine what will happen when we've been through such a phase?
Will there be enough trust to embrace and hug a partner who hurt you a short while ago?
What is my vision for my relationship after the dust has settled again?
Will I cut the connection because I feel hurt or am I able to re-establish the bonding?
There is one bigger topic behind all these questions. This is the topic of setting and having personal boundaries. If one's personal boundaries are weak, this is a guarantee for conflicts leading to bigger trouble.
What are personal boundaries?
Personal boundaries are clear and strong for a healthy person. "Health" here applies to your mental abilities.
According to the great psychologists from the "Gestalt" school who developed the gestalt -therapy in the 1940s (Fritz Perls, Laura Perls and Paul Goodman), boundaries are necessary for a successful relationship. Boundaries are the area, where we meet each other. Contact (especially lovely contact) is at boundaries.
Many loving couples forget about the importance of personal boundaries, or worse, have never experienced lovely boundaries in their childhood and during adult life.
It is normal to lose control about one's feelings at an early stage of the relationship. This is what psychologists call "symbiosis".
Symbiosis happens when people in a relationship open personal boundaries and can not distinguish between their feelings. Is this feeling mine, or is it yours? Can one be alone for a longer period without feelings of inner emptiness?
This dissolution of personal boundaries is absolutely normal when being head over heels in love at the beginning of a relationship.
This must be given up over the time of a marriage or a longer relationship for the sake of a mature love. Mature love only occurs at clear boundaries.
So give boundaries a chance. They are necessary. Healthy boundaries are a sign of maturity.
Persons contemplating marriage should question everything before committing and think carefully. Is there enough trust for spending a whole life together? Will I feel safe every day in this marriage? Will there be comfort and mutual understanding?
As a couple, think about your plans together and then rethink it again. Try rethinking it, alone or with a trusted friend, not with your future partner. Do not hesitate to ask relatives, friends and psychological advisors for their advice. It is not only money which is at stake. It is a full life.
Every long-term relationship will go through phases of trouble and conflict and feelings will be hurt. That is for sure.
Can I imagine what will happen when we've been through such a phase?
Will there be enough trust to embrace and hug a partner who hurt you a short while ago?
What is my vision for my relationship after the dust has settled again?
Will I cut the connection because I feel hurt or am I able to re-establish the bonding?
There is one bigger topic behind all these questions. This is the topic of setting and having personal boundaries. If one's personal boundaries are weak, this is a guarantee for conflicts leading to bigger trouble.
What are personal boundaries?
Personal boundaries are clear and strong for a healthy person. "Health" here applies to your mental abilities.
According to the great psychologists from the "Gestalt" school who developed the gestalt -therapy in the 1940s (Fritz Perls, Laura Perls and Paul Goodman), boundaries are necessary for a successful relationship. Boundaries are the area, where we meet each other. Contact (especially lovely contact) is at boundaries.
Many loving couples forget about the importance of personal boundaries, or worse, have never experienced lovely boundaries in their childhood and during adult life.
It is normal to lose control about one's feelings at an early stage of the relationship. This is what psychologists call "symbiosis".
Symbiosis happens when people in a relationship open personal boundaries and can not distinguish between their feelings. Is this feeling mine, or is it yours? Can one be alone for a longer period without feelings of inner emptiness?
This dissolution of personal boundaries is absolutely normal when being head over heels in love at the beginning of a relationship.
This must be given up over the time of a marriage or a longer relationship for the sake of a mature love. Mature love only occurs at clear boundaries.
So give boundaries a chance. They are necessary. Healthy boundaries are a sign of maturity.
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